You ever notice how the government takes your money and then uses it to do shit that would make a crackhead pimp blush with embarrassment? They snatch it right out of your paycheck, call it “taxes,” and then blow it on programs designed by people who couldn’t run a lemonade stand without a $400,000 consultant study and a diversity officer. It’s not even vaguely resembling governance anymore – it’s a fucking wealth transfer machine. Productive people get hosed so the government can play Santa Claus to every special interest, dependency class, and bureaucratic barnacle sucking on the tit of the state. And the best part? They can’t even pass a goddamn budget. Hasn’t happened in years. These clowns couldn’t balance a checkbook if you spot them the pencil.

Well, I’ve got a solution. It’s simple, elegant, and deeply spiritual. We go Aztec, baby.

That’s right. Forget all this modern monetary theory horseshit and Keynesian circle-jerking. We bring back the noble traditions of the Aztecs. They understood something profound: sometimes you just gotta take valuable stuff and destroy it in a big public spectacle to keep the universe in balance. They used to rip the still-beating hearts out of thousands to feed their imaginary gods. We can be more civilized about it. We’ll just take all that tax money the IRS confiscates and burn it. Right there on the National Mall. Live on C-SPAN. With priests in feathered headdresses, virgins dancing, the whole production. Make it a goddamn festival. “Tax Day: Now With Human Sacrifice Vibes!”

Think about the benefits, you cynical pricks. First, it takes currency out of circulation. The Federal Reserve has been printing money like a drunk with a copy machine for decades. Inflation? That’s just another sneaky tax on your savings, your wages, your future. But under the New Aztec Plan, every dollar they steal from you gets torched. Poof. Gone. Deflation, motherfuckers. Your dollar starts buying more instead of less. The currency gets stronger because we’re not letting these idiots multiply it or spend it. It’s beautiful. Economics finally meets ritual purity.

Second, it starves the beast without all the messy debate. No more funding for programs “contrary to the interests and will of the people.” You know the ones – every bloated agency, every subsidy for failure, every redistribution scheme that takes from the folks actually producing value and hands it to the incapable, defective, professional victims, and their enablers. Gone. The government collects the money, hauls it to the altar, lights it on fire while chanting to Quetzalcoatl or whoever’s on duty that week, and that’s it. No waste. No “investment in our future.” Just pure, honest destruction. The Aztecs didn’t fuck around with line-item vetoes and continuing resolutions. They sacrificed. We should too.

And let’s be honest: these people aren’t responsible enough to hold our money. They can’t propose a budget. They run trillion-dollar deficits like it’s going out of style. They create debt like rabbits on Viagra. Why the hell would we trust them to spend wisely? Better they destroy it ritually than spend it stupidly. At least the Aztec method has dignity. There’s theater. There’s catharsis. There’s the joyous public spectacle of watching your tax dollars go up in beautiful flames while the whole country cheers like it’s the Super Bowl. “There goes my property taxes! Look at that smoke! Glorious!”

We don’t need their central services. We don’t need their micromanaging. We built this country before they turned into this insatiable blob, and we’ll do fine without them playing mommy and daddy with other people’s cash. Let the market handle services. Let people keep what they earn. And if the government absolutely must take some, fine – burn it in sacrifice. Restore normalcy. Kill the inflation. Kill the debt spiral. Kill the stupidity.

We’re rediscovering our Aztec heritage, folks. Time to stop pretending these suits in Washington are wise stewards. They’re not. They’re vandals and sociopaths with no interest in what happens to the public they rule over. So let’s make the destruction honest. Let’s turn fiscal restraint into a holy festival. Bring the drums. Bring the feathers. Bring the flamethrowers.

Sacrifice the money. Feed the gods. Strengthen the dollar. And for once, have a little fun while we do it.

Hail the New Aztec Empire. Long live the burn.