Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the greatest farce in the working world – the sacred act of clocking in on time. Ah yes, our corporate masters really do have a flair for the dramatic, don’t they? For some inexplicable reason, we’re expected to be as punctual as Swiss train conductors even when we’re just about to sit on our derrieres in front of screens for eight hours. And why? Because time is money? Well, my friends, let me break it down for you: passing attendance is not, I repeat, is not the Holy Grail of getting work done.

So you’re late to work a few minutes, maybe even an hour. Does the corporate world crumble? Does the stock market crash? Does the coffee pot in the break room spontaneously combust? No, no, and well, possibly – but that’s just because the office manager bought the cheapest one.

But, oh boy, you bet there are penalties. Show up late and you’re given the stink-eye, maybe even a condescending remark about “professionalism.” You’re handed write-ups and warnings as if you’ve committed high treason, not merely dared to disrupt the sanctified timeline of the 9-to-5.

And let’s dissect this for a second. Who are these folks always on time? Are they the cream of the crop, the true corporate soldiers on the frontline of productivity? Hardly! They’re the clock watchers, the bare minimum doers, the ones who’ve mastered the art of looking busy without actually doing much.

On the other hand, the ones who wander in later are often those burning the midnight oil, sending emails at 2 am, solving problems while the on-time crowd is tucked up in bed dreaming of timesheets. And yet, they’re the ones tagged as slackers. The irony is as bitter as the break-room coffee.

Look, I’m not advocating anarchy. I’m not saying we all start showing up whenever we darn well please. No, what I’m saying is that the focus needs to change. Shift from the clock to the task, from the schedule to the outcome. You see, work isn’t school. We’re not little kids needing to raise our hands to go to the bathroom. We’re adults. Capable adults who, given the right tasks and right environment, can do amazing things. Whether that’s at 9am or 1pm, well, does it really matter?

It’s about quality, not time-served. If Bob can do the same task as Alice in half the time, why should Bob have to sit around twiddling his thumbs just to “put in the hours”? It’s ludicrous! It’s about as ludicrous as docking pay because someone clocked in 15 minutes late but stayed three hours over to finish a project.

But who am I to disrupt the status quo? I’m just a guy who sees the absurdity in the everyday, a guy who thinks that maybe, just maybe, there’s a better way. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go. I’m running late for a meeting with my couch. Trust me, it’s critical to my productivity.