Disability is Our Strength

You have to empathize with the pressure companies are under to achieve quotas for every demographic. In this thrilling roller coaster of deceit and manipulation, companies are trying their darndest to fill a magical 8% quota of disabled employees. You know when companies start turning the workforce into a game of Bingo there’s going to be some underhanded shenanigans.

You see, when you set a percentage like 8%, it’s not about finding the best people for the job who just so happen to be disabled. Oh, no, no, no! It’s about plugging in bodies to achieve statistics, not hire the best staff.

So, how do they do it, you ask? How do these companies achieve this magical 8% without ending up with a room full of folks who can’t do the jobs they’re hired for? It’s simple: they start playing with the definitions. Today, Bob from accounting has a slight limp from his soccer injury. Well, guess what, Bob, you’re disabled now! Susan in HR has reading glasses? Boom, visually impaired!

Before you know it, they’ve got their 8% and everyone’s back-slapping and congratulating themselves on their commitment to diversity. Meanwhile, Bob’s wondering why he’s been enrolled in a wheelchair basketball league and Susan’s getting advertisements for guide dogs.

But if you really want to help out your employer, all you have to do is identify as disabled. When you walk into a job interview, and they ask if you have any disabilities, you say, “Why yes, yes I do.” You don’t have to give any details – heck, they’re not allowed to ask for any. It’s like a get-out-of-jail-free card in Monopoly. Just slap that disabled label on yourself, and watch as the employer’s eyes light up. You’ve just made their quota for the month!

And the best part? Your employer doesn’t have to worry about hiring those with severe disabilities – you know, the ones that might require a bit more effort and accommodation. No need to make room for wheelchairs or install special software for the visually impaired. No siree, they’ve got you, the perfectly able disabled candidate.

And here’s the kicker: by identifying as disabled, you’ve apparently paved the way to a better and qualitatively superior work environment. Because who wouldn’t want to work in a place where pretending to have a disability is the key to success? It’s like a twisted version of ‘The Emperor’s New Clothes.’ We all know it’s a farce, but we go along with it anyway because, well, it’s easier than facing reality.

We’re in a battle with ruthless propaganda inverting reality. We’ve got folks claiming that hiring someone with a disability is akin to hiring a superhero. And not just that, these superheroes apparently have the power to boost team morale with their positive attitudes. So, let’s put on our thinking caps and poke around this a bit, shall we?

You can hire a superhero when you hire someone with a disability. Additionally, these superheroes can boost team morale by bringing a positive attitude to work that can motivate other employees.


Now, I’ve got nothing against disabled people. But last time I checked, dealing with a disability didn’t involve getting bitten by a radioactive spider or coming from an alien planet. So, calling them superheroes seems a little over the top, don’t you think? Just because someone has a disability doesn’t automatically mean they’ve got superhuman positivity or a magical ability to boost team morale. They’re people, not Care Bears!

And this next part, well, it’s like they’ve taken a detour through the Twilight Zone. They’re claiming that the non-disabled people are the ones with the real disability – a “lack of disability”. Now, hold on a minute. If having a disability is a superpower, and not having one is a disability, doesn’t that make everyone disabled? And if everyone’s disabled, doesn’t that mean that no one is? It’s like we’ve gone down a rabbit hole of nonsense!

So, the claim goes like this: disabled people produce superior results, and we’re just supposed to take it as gospel truth. No explanation, no data, no logic. It’s like they’re asking us to believe in the tooth fairy or the Easter Bunny.

Now, let’s get one thing straight: I’ve got no problem with disabled people. Hell, life hands you a bad deal, and you make the most out of it – that’s admirable. But claiming that they’re inherently superior workers? That’s not just oversimplifying, folks; it’s like saying a bologna sandwich is a gourmet meal. It just doesn’t hold mustard.

The proponents of this idea suggest that businesses should exclusively hire disabled folks to achieve this undefined superior performance. According to this thinking, it’s those pesky able-bodied workers that are a burden. Now, I’ve heard some crazy things in my time, but this one, well, it takes the cake.

Then there’s an Accenture study, “Getting to Equal: The Disability Inclusion Advantage” that tells us disability is an advantage, so you’d better get as much of it as you can. Now, don’t get me wrong, inclusion and equality sound like noble goals and it’s the latest thing you’re supposed to support without scrutinizing with any logic. But when corporations jump on this bandwagon with a big, beaming smile, you gotta squint a little, right? Scratch the surface and see what’s underneath.

Now this study, it makes a pretty bold claim: companies that hire more people with disabilities perform better than their peers. Higher revenue, double the net income, and 30 percent higher economic profit margins. That’s some grade A, prime cut statistic there. But here’s the thing: they’re comparing apples and oranges, and that’s just a fruit salad of confusion.

Let’s talk about the whole cause and effect thing, because I think Accenture missed that day in school. They’re saying, companies that hire more people with disabilities do better. But is it the act of hiring disabled people that causes this performance spike? Or is it that better performing companies have more resources, better cultures, more progressive attitudes, and so they’re naturally more inclusive? See what I mean? It’s like saying people who eat more ice cream are happier. Maybe they’re happier because life’s good, and the ice cream is just a cherry on top!

And then there’s this idea that “disability inclusion” is a box you can check. Last time I checked, people with disabilities aren’t a monolithic group. You’ve got physical disabilities, mental disabilities, temporary, permanent… it’s a whole spectrum! So when you’re saying “disability inclusion” boosts profits, which disabilities are we talking about? Is a company with a blind CEO more profitable than one with wheelchair ramps?

Now here’s what they should do, folks. Instead of looking at the surface and shouting, “Look, inclusive companies make more money!” they should dive deeper. What practices are these companies implementing? How are they integrating their disabled employees into the workplace? Are they providing the right support and resources? What’s the job satisfaction looking like?

This takes me back to a little nugget of wisdom my math teacher taught me – always show your work. It’s not enough to give an answer; you need to demonstrate how you arrived at it. And boy, is that a lesson we could apply to this situation!

Those making these broad claims, they’re not showing their work. They’re not explaining their criteria, their process. It’s like saying, “two plus two equals…a porcupine.” It just doesn’t make sense.

Are they implying that people with disabilities work harder because they’ve got something to prove? Or maybe they’re suggesting that they’re more diligent because of the challenges they’ve had to overcome? Who knows! They haven’t shown their work.

It’s a lot like cooking, folks. You don’t just toss all the ingredients into a pot and hope for the best. You have to follow a recipe, measure everything out, add things in the right order. If you don’t, well, you’re not gonna be very happy with what you pull out of the oven.

So if you’re gonna claim that one group is better workers than another, you need to explain why. Show us the steps you took to reach that conclusion. Don’t just expect us to swallow it whole.

See, the real gold is not in the hiring numbers, it’s in the nitty gritty. Because guess what? You can hire as many disabled folks as you want, but if they’re not a fit for the environment then they won’t succeed, and then you’re just putting lipstick on a pig. And last time I checked, a pig with lipstick is still… well, a pig.

But let’s not get carried away with this “disabled are superior” bandwagon. The powers that be choose these absurd claims as a compliance test to see how many empty headed lemmings will thoughtlessly repeat them. The truth is employers need to make sure they are hiring the most capable people for the job, not subsidize a pity case. And the last thing we need is another ridiculous theory to confuse us.

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